I suspect you already knew that, so I won’t presume that the header here is some earth-shattering news.

Your accountant is giving you outdated business advice.  You might already suspect that, too.

Your accountant has been telling you, probably in a somewhat snobbish and condescending manner that “…it’s all about the return on investment.” when you’re considering entertaining clients or some other form of activity they probably can’t get their anti-social head around.

**TIP: To confuse the wild accountant, remove Microsoft Excel from its environment.  The accountant will stare blankly at the world, forget to eat, and die.**

Return on Investment (or ROI as you might have heard it thrown about) is the absolute wrong fucking term to use and has nothing to do with your situation.

In simple terms, ROI is simple dollars and cents and great for investing since IT’S ABOUT INVESTMENT (I know because the 3rd word in the phrase is Investment…see what I did there?).

Return on Relationship is the phrase you’re looking for, Mr. Snooty-Accountant-Pants.

ROR is the value built up by you or your company / brand due to you or your company nurturing a relationship with another person or company / brand.  It is both real and perceived value that increases over time through loyalty, recommendations, and sharing.

Everything you do in your life and business revolves around different relationships.  I’m not talking about a friend request or following a twitter user, I’m pointing to things you do that create trust; when your word is your bond.  Authentic, genuine responses and interactions that build engagement.

You know, all those things that real humans (not spreadsheet goomba-accountants) learn in kindergarten.

Next time some bean-counter asks you “What’s the ROI?” when you’re dealing with a client, tell them a) the client interaction doesn’t classify as an investment b) they should really be more accurate with their stupid acronyms, and c) go back to your comparisons of cash vs accrual method accounting, you depreciating fool.

Just kidding…I love accountants…but not really.